December 25, 2009
The idea of everyone asking me how much I got is just upsetting. I don't feel good enough. I don't feel like meeting my grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, granduncles and aunts. I still feel like yesterday actually. I'm not happy nor am I sad.
This is pathetic really.
December 24, 2009
Right after I got home, I spent the whole day in my room. I pondered and thought a lot of what I've gone through. I think I deserve what I got. Truth be told, I never enjoyed BM before. Even so, I'm going to buck up next year, that I promise you.
And thank you for all for everything :) Especially to those who gave me hugs, kisses and calls. I love you guys, aite? I'm also planning a get-together on the 30th at my house for lunch. I'm cooking. Will keep you posted.
December 23, 2009
He's crying like crazy. Oy vey.
I am excited, I am nervous and everything in between. If things turn out to be alright, then thank God. If they don't, then, thank God too. Okay. No matter what it is, I'll give you people hugs on the day alright? :)
D'accord. I am going to drown myself in my dreams. Bon nuit.
December 22, 2009
Of all the movies I have watched throughout my life, I've never seen one which moved me so much. I can't believe I didn't shed a single tear at all reading the book, but the movie? Honestly, I cried throughout the whole thing. During happy scenes, I'd be teary eyed, tears slowly rolling down my cheek so you can imagine how I was during the real heart-breaking ones. Lucky I shooed everyone away before watching it.
I don't think I'll be watching it anytime soon. I don't want to be bursting into tears anytime soon. Okay. FINE. I bet I will be bursting into tears soon anyway. You-know-when. So, spot me okay?
I read the Parsons Viewbook thing and they have Environmental Studies! How awesome? I wouldn't mind taking that up. And St. Martins have Easter school around March next year. The price range is around, brace yourselves people, RM1800, and that is for a four-day course or so, in London, with qualified teachers. Damn. I'd love to go for the Life Studies course. Okay. I'll pray that dad will have loads of business next year so he can send me to London *grin*
Speaking of Parsons and such, I've been thinking a lot of what courses I'd "love" to take. I might take Biochemistry. I love Science, you can't blame me. No mum, I don't want to be a doctor-end of. But thinking about all of this round and round, I'd suddenly think of taking up Law, do Syariah as well and earn mega bucks at dad's firm. But I don't know.
Harumph. I am actually confused now.
And I might make this a usual thing.
December 21, 2009
Oh. And I embarassed myself by mixing up non-fiction and fiction, again. Not to mention, in front of Awang Goneng *bangs head against wall* But either way, yesterday could be one of the best days in all of December. Had lots of food, laughs, met new people. Pretty enjoyable, I must say.
Good morning by the way.
December 18, 2009
Anyways. I can say that out of all my sketches, this would be one of the best. The first best would be the crazily detailed one of a Burberry ad. I don't think I have the picture. It's on dad's Facebook. But, heck yeah. I'M PROUD OF THIS ONE YO!
I'm not so sure about the eyes. I don't really like it somehow. I think it's because I put in a little bit too much of the detail. Other than that, I think it's purdee. I don't know what you think. I think that you think I'm too self-absorbed in myself for saying it's a very pretty sketch. In other words, I'm complementing myself. Alright, if you didn't understand that knock my on the head when you see me :D
So right now, I need money. I need a new set of pigments. I need a tub of impasto, retarder and gesso maybe? Krhkrh.
Anyway, I've been contemplating. The decision I'm about to make is no fun, and I have to make it fast. It's only in a matter of weeks. Alright. Let me stop being so, I don't know, mysterious about it. So here: I passed the admittance entrance exam for Adni and they're holding my spot there until MRSM results come out and I have to give my blardee desicion. I would've spilled this earlier on but, you know how things get with me. Therefore I am contemplating every single minute of the day now. I've narrowed my decisions down, though:
- If I don't get into MRSM, Adni I shall go
- If I do get into MRSM, I will think things over.
- Dump Adni and MRSM, stay in Section 5
Okay, laugh at the 4th one. I don't mind. I'll be laughing along with you as well :) But anywhoo. I have indeed weighd my pros of all my decisions. The pros of Adni:
- I don't have to sit for SPM because I've chosen the English medium, therefore I'll be sitting for IGCSE instead.
- If I do well, I can jump straight to secondary 5 and finish school earlier. Which is impossible in my case seeing my tarnished results. HE HE.
- After IGCSE, I will be done with school considerably early. Like, three weeks earlier than when SPM is just about to start.
- Apparently, there will be a guaranteed spot at UIAM. Makes things easier for my parents. Duh.
The pros of MRSM:
- Great facilities
- Higher chances of going overseas. That is even if I do well and get a scholarship. Hello?! AM I THAT CAPABLE LAH?
Therefore in any case at all, Adni wins. But even so, I haven't made my decision and they're still holding my spot so everything is okay I suppose. Except for the fact that I am indeed near to banging my head on the wall about this. It's just that my head hurts every single bloody time I try to make my mind up.
I wish I could make things easier and just stay in Section 5. But things will never be that easy. Especially when you have parents who expect a lot out of you, and there are people around you have great expectations of you and know that you will be a someone one day-and no, none of this are bad things.
Okay. There you go. A week's worth of bantering with myself.
December 12, 2009
Oh woe, I've been eating a lot. I ate 5 scoops of ice cream just now. It was supposed to be shared and yet, Yusof didn't even touch much of it. In the end, I had to finish it. Oh well. I didn't mind. I enjoy eating. And I now have Wuthering Heights! The clothbound edition from Penguin Classics. I love! I regret not buying The Lost Symbol but...this book was too tempting.
My God. I'm so bad!
Also, I found this at Kinokuniya just now. I swear everyone looked at me when I yipped with happiness. I don't know why but I find cooking very interesting. Especially after watching Julie & Julia, I became inspired. Right now I'm going to try out with pasta and spaghetti first. After I'm done with it, I shall pray that either mum or dad get me this lovely recipe book and I shall try all of it out. And over the holidays, I will be cooking. If you want free food, do come over and be my food-critic.
December 11, 2009
The sketch in which my pigments decided to die. I think it looks horrible. Some of my recent sketches look like this. Unfinished, messy, disoriented. I don't know. I think something's going on inside my brain but I can't put a finger on it. But I promise I'll come up with better sketches. I might try with pencil. But that really isn't my forte. I don't even know what in the world is my forte.
Janiz said that I have a very carefree thing going on about me. She sees it in my drawings and such. Darrell, on the other hand, is very detailed. So, there you go. My long lost brother is a mirror image of me, in some ways. Okay. Excuse the influence from Her Fearful Symmetry here.
I'm sorry, by the way :'(
Each of them warmed to the sound of the other's voice. They lay in the dark
together, in distant cities, each of them thinking, We were lucky this time. And
they pressed their phones closer to their ears, and both of them wondered how
much longer this separation could go on.
-Her Fearful Symmetry; Audrey Niffenegger
If I were to decide which of Audrey Niffenegger's book I prefered, I'd say The Time Traveller's Wife. I think that Her Fearful Symmetry is a bit too dark for me. Oh well. Right now I'm thinking of saving up my money to buy the RM80 Wuthering Heights sold at Kinokuniya. It's hardcover so I suppose it's a good price.
Other books include:
- The Lost Symbol; Dan Brown
- Shakespeare; Bill Bryson
- Mastering the Art of French Cooking; Julia Child
Okay. I'm going to continue watching Angels & Demons for the 6th or 7th time. I'm still not bored of it. Yeah, I'm crazy.
Other than that, my pigments are out. All 5 of them. I was in the middle of finishing a sketch and they all "died". Right now, I'm on the way to being broke so I don't know when I can restock. I also need a bottle of gesso, retarder, impasto, canvases, new paint brushes and...I don't know what else.
I feel fat, too.
December 5, 2009
"Every time I think about it, I don't know what to do, what I can do about it. I only know I feel terrible, miserable and these feelings never seem to go away. I tried not to think about it but it's impossible. I'm so tired, this silence..."Go to MPH, get yourself O Thiam Chin's Never Been Better. It's (Y). Trust me.
-Silence; O Thiam Chin
Right now, I'm trying to get myself to read anthologies and such. I find it rather interesting, somehow. I suppose because there are many more stories to read rather than just a book with one 700-paged story eh? And it's cheaper. Ha ha.
I don't know. I just need change. Inspiration as well.
OH! And Saturday = art class + Darrell = giggling like hell. God. I swear on that floor, we were the noisiest and that was only the two of us. Imagine if the whole 'family' was there. Bet the floor would've crashed down or something. Speaking of, anybody planning on a get-together? I was planning on having a pot luck one of these days. I don't know. We shall see. Just come over if you want, by the way. My house is always open. Sort of.
New Moon? Don't ask. I don't know whether or not I'm going to watch it at the cinemas or if I'll just be watching it with a couple of pillows and my phone when the DVD comes out. God-knows. Pray for me. And, um, RANtAi with les cousins again this year I suppose. I don't know yet. Haha.
Too many plans and I don't know if any of them will be getting the green light. Yokeh. More updates/pictures later tonight. I have a room to clean up. People coming tomorrow.