Tigers, congratulations on your win tonight :)

I must say, I have never felt this proud before. Hello, this is Malaysia we are talking about. Despite everything else, Malaysia can do good. We just have to work hard for it.

Relevant

I think I'm going to end things with you.

Despite any other resolutions I have made up in my mind over the past two months of holidays, there's only one that I need to fulfil above everything else: I need to clear my head. Only now do I realise how my feelings interfere with my head. Okay, granted I have realised this for a long time but it's not easy clearing one's head especially when dealing with your feelings. It's like dealing with a break up. I think. That's beside the point. I just need to get off of cloud nine, land back here on planet Earth and set my priorities straight.

I know I haven't been the best daughter/student/sister and whatever else everybody expects of me, but I promise, I'll try very hard next year. I need to get back into my game. I need to stop caring about petty things and start prioritising. Although I am not a firm believer of looking good on paper, but to get accepted into big places and major in, lets say, Medicine, I will obviously need good results. Regardless, I just want high school to be over and done with. I want to go somewhere new, I want to learn new things, meet new people. Maybe take History as a sideline.

I've been thinking a lot too. I may drop Physics and possibly Art too, and take up French for SPM. The only As I got for my finals were Bahasa Melayu, English, Pendidikan Islam and Sejarah; subjects required to take Law. And my linguistics look stronger now. No harm done in taking a third language. And it's French. Pffft. Some revision classes at Alliance Française should do it. So now, I know what I want to do, I know what I need to do, all that's left now is to do it.

I really hope 2011 will be a good year. I know 2010 isn't. Most of the feelings I've felt this year: pathetic, unappreciated, stupid. Hah. Life is great innit. Probably the only best thing was scouting, and the close people I have around me.

Other than that, 2010 is just another version of 2008.

It was only yesterday that I was saying to myself, "Wow Khadijah. You haven't gotten really really sick this year" and voila, I am now having the sniffles and cough so bad. This morning I swear every time I coughed, it felt like my tonsils were going to come out.

Unf. I may just be worried.

let me be a girly girl

Hehe. Okay. I have a thing for intricate, simple jewellery. For example, I have this gold bracelet which is actually an heirloom from my grandmother's mother-in-law, and was previously owned by arwah before being passed down to me. As much as I love it, I don't dare wear it. It's thin, intricate and old. Could be 30 years old, or more. But yeah, it's gorgeous. I don't mind having a few like that.

On to the point, I was surfing Garance Doré's blog and stumbled upon this pretty ring. It's Dior and it's called a Oui ring. I want it but of course the price est trés trés trés bien too. It's Dior. Did I say that already? Not a chance that I'll get it. Maybe when I get married huh. Could be my engagement ring *cough cough cough* Or not.

I'd want a pretty vintage Malay ring to go with it. The other day, after my practical exam, dad took me to the Komplex Kraf Kuala Lumpur and there was this guy selling all the pretty vintage jewellery and there was one which I wanted. Unfortunately, dad didn't bring his check book at the time and didn't have cash on him. So, okay, dad said he'd go get it another day. Yeay! The next time dad went there, someone had already bought it. Bummer.

Nevermind though. There's also this other guy in Amcorp who sells vintage jewellery and such. Hehe.

relevant, or not?

'Interlok' withdrawn after discussion with Education Ministry and DBP: Murugiah

BERNAMA

KUALA LUMPUR: The withdrawal of the Form Five literature textbook, "Interlok", which was alleged to contain sensitive elements that might be offensive to the Malays and Indians, was made after discussions with relevant authorities including the Education Ministry and Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka (DBP).

Deputy Minister in the Prime Minister's Department, Datuk T. Murugiah, said the Public Complaints Bureau (PCB) had been deluged with complaints on some sensitive words in the book and, as chairman of the bureau, he believed that immediate actions should be taken to resolve the issue.

"I called on the Education Ministry, DBP and all the relevant parties to convene a meeting to discuss and make a consensus decision on the issue," he told reporters at the Parliament lobby on Monday.

Murugiah was commenting on a reader's letter published in a Malay daily on Monday pertaining to the withdrawal of the literature textbook on Dec 15.

The reader, M. Hanafiah A. Samad from Muar, Johor, said Murugiah had acted in haste when announcing the withdrawal of the textbook, when it should be done by the Education Ministry.

Murugiah said the issue of the withdrawal of the textbook was misinterpreted, and hoped it would not be prolonged for fear that it would create other problems.

"People misinterpreted this issue, so I want to offer an explanation. He (M. Hanafiah) said he wrote the letter based on history and his own experience, I understand that, but this is not a history book, this is a literature book.

"In a literature book, the language can be twisted. On that ground, we proposed to the Education Ministry to withdraw it and said that it was up to them if they want to keep it, but they accepted our proposal (to withdraw)," he said.

Interlok is authored by national laureate, Abdullah Hussain and displays a theme of integration of the three races, namely Malays, Chinese and Indians, as early as 1900's till the independence of Malaya.

If only now you're worried about racial issues, then why bother releasing it to us in the first place. Come on Malaysia. You're better than this.

I have the same doubts I had 10 months ago. This time, some things seem even more possible.

I allow myself to get hurt by other people, sometimes by my own emotions too. I get poked and prodded, pushed and run over but I still don't stand up for myself. I'm often consumed by my insecurities. The feeling of not belonging anywhere, it consumes me. I feel like I don't know who my friends are, what I want, who I am. It just consumes me, confuses me. I don't know what's wrong with me.

At the end of the day though, I'll cry to Allah. It'd be nice if He gave me a sign though.

I want to write, but I don't know what to write. Yeah. I think I really need to get into the mood. Or something. Not right now. I need alone time in my room. And maybe someone to make me sad. I bet with all the water works, I'll find something to write even though it's won't be relevant at all to anything that I'm going through.

And I'm going back to KL today. Too much of lazing around doing nothing in Ayer Baloi, waking up late, eating too much. Too bad I haven't renewed my passport, or else I would've persuaded dad to bring me down to Singapore. Thought of going radio hunting. But in reality, I haven't even posted my AA form yet. Nevermind.

Beranganlah kan.

vingt-cinque

Okay. I have been tagged by the lovely miss Nadihah Begum (wink wink), and truth be told I haven't done this in a really really really long time. I haven't really been writing much either. Hehe. So, here it goes, 25 facts about...yours truly.

1. I am Siti Khadijah bt Anwarul Haq and I am 16.
2. I easily get peeved when the lights and fan are left on even when there's no one else around.
3. I am fascinated by, sometimes, even the simplest of things.
4. I like Chemistry, a lot.
5. I think a bit too much, and I'm insecure.
6. I scout. Girl Guides isn't for me. No offense intended.
7. I would get married in my scout uniform, if I could. Ha ha.
8. I paint, play piano and I like amazing Disney/Pixar movies.
9. I'm always in awe when I watch Avatar. Yes, the blue monkeys.
10. Tea is my number one substance of choice.
11. I can do a 12-hour marathon of Discovery, Nat Geo and History.
12. I have a tendency to talk about facts I've read or watched.
13. Apparently, I have the face of a judge/headmistress. It's crazy, I know. I suppose that's why people don't talk a lot to me? Unless they know me, of course.
14. I talk about myself a lot sometimes, sorry Darrell.
15. I have no idea what sport I can play. Swimming probabbly?
16. I read in all kinds of positions.
17. I like people like Mr Chan, Walter (in Fringe) and all these other awesome Science people.
18. I want to explore the universe.
19. I speak French too.
20. I don't mind majoring in History and Law one day. Yeah. I'm crazy like that.
21. Worse comes to worse, I'll become a police officer. Work for the air force perhaps? Haha.
22. I have so many things in my head.
23. I'd move away to Javanese land if I could.
24. Camps have never felt more like home.
25. And lastly, I know I'll turn out to be a successful person.

John Noble FTW. I'd totally love it if he taught me all three Science subjects in school.

Carpe diem sounds impossible. Almost like a far off dream somewhere. I don't believe in carpe diem, really.

Mr Chan

Undeniably the best teacher ever.

I could solve Add Maths problems for two hours straight with him. And seriously him teaching Chemistry is just *two thumbs up*. He likes fractions and he can insert any form of Science teaching into a conversation at any given time. I don't know anybody else who can do it like he can.

I wish to be like him someday *salute*

These holidays feel like a month's worth of break whilst our mid-term break felt like the end of the year holidays. This isn't good. I only have 29 more days to sleep well and enjoy staying at home doing just about nothing.

GelaSkins